Identity Crisis – Why Defining Yourself by Your Career Is a Problem
These days, you can’t go anywhere without encountering big arguments about identity politics. “I’m this, you’re that.” “I’m a Democrat, you’re a Republican.” “I’m a liberal, you’re a conservative.” These sorts of identities are critically important.
In business, many people shy away from identity politics discussions, but they have their identity politics. They define themselves by their success and their excellence in their jobs. When asked, “Who are you?” they might answer, “A father, a husband.” But for many, the immediate response is, “I’m a professor at Harvard Business School,” or their professional identity. This becomes a problem if that’s the only way they define themselves, as it strips away the significant things in life.
For those who see their identity as being a successful professional, that’s often an identity based on fear—fear of failure, fear of losing that success. Fear is normal. We all have it. But fear of an attack on your identity, that’s a fear of death. Interestingly, only 20% of the population is afraid of dying, but many who are good at what they do are terrified of failing at work. This fear leads to unhealthy behaviors and a cardboard cutout version of oneself, which isn’t good for you or your relationships.
Many successful people ask me, “How can I get over this fear of failure?” They don’t want to fail, but they know they need to overcome this anxiety. So, I recommend an exercise: the Maranasati death meditation, adapted for professional failure.
This meditation is rooted in Theravada Buddhism, particularly in countries like Thailand, Vietnam, Myanmar, and Sri Lanka, where monks and nuns contemplate their death by looking at photos of corpses in various states of decay. This might seem morbid, but it’s healthy. They say, “That’s me. That will be me.” This allows them to transcend the fear of death and be fully alive in the present.
For those afraid of losing their identity as a successful person, they need to confront that fear as well. The reality is, that no matter how successful you are, the party is going to end. Your career won’t last forever, and you have to be comfortable with that so you can fully engage with your life right now. Otherwise, you’ll be immobilized by the fear of something that’s the most normal, predictable part of life: it will end.
I suggest a nine-part meditation for this.
Start by saying, “I feel like I’m losing my edge at work. My decision-making isn’t as sharp as it used to be, and people are starting to notice.”
Step two: “People are beginning to comment that I’m losing a step.”
Step three: “I think the board is discussing my replacement, and I’m not being included in the conversation.”
Step four: “I’m pretty sure the end of my career is coming, even though I don’t want it to.”
Step five: “I’ve just been told I have to retire, even though it’s not my choice.”
Step six: “I got forced out, and now people remember me as the guy who was forced out.”
Step seven: “I went back to my workplace after six months, and many of the new people don’t even know who I am.”
Step eight: “I moved away, and now people just think of me as a retired person. They don’t ask about what I used to do.”
Step nine: “Most days, I don’t even think about what I used to do. I’m just living a different life now.”
Now, I know this sounds negative, but it’s not. It’s normal. Spend two minutes thinking about each of these steps for three weeks, and you’ll be a different person. Why? Not because you’ve failed—this isn’t even failure—it’s just life. You won’t be afraid of these things happening anymore because they will have already happened to you in your mind and heart. You’ll be at peace with the fact that your success and the value you create have a trajectory, and when it’s over, you’ll submit to that reality, and find peace.
Everyone needs to manage their life like a project. Understand that your skills and interests will change and that good times won’t last forever. You need to engineer new good times under different circumstances. I talk about this with people as they get older, and it’s advice I’m taking for myself. For the first time in a long time, I’m actually at peace.
Thank you for reading.
Kelvin Jasi,
Write | Author | Poet
Subscribe to my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@kelvinjasi?sub_confirmation=1
Buy my books at my website https://kelvinjasi.net/books
Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KelvinJasi888/
Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelvinjasi/
Connect with me on X: https://x.com/KelvinJasi888
Follow me on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kelvinjasi